Change is Life

Change is Life

Happy Well-being Wednesday! I would like to talk about change. Change being a means of making something different from what it originally was. Change being an alteration that turns something into something else. Change is hard, but what I’ve noticed is that it is very necessary if you want to grow – that is.

Well, change is what Salubrity and Soul has in store for the upcoming new year. Yes, again. I am discovering that healing may cause you to change more than once, and that’s okay.

“The only thing that is constant is change.”

– Heraclitus

Change is all around me. It’s in this glorius season that we call “fall”, but apart from seasonal change, I am also in the midst of, yet another, metamorphosis as I embrace my new self as a result of overcoming situations that have eclipsed my life for the past 2 years and; as I become friends with acceptance.

With this change I feel that it’s time to modify the content being shared here on Salubrity and Soul so that it better compliments and resembles my current interests, lifestyle and well…self. If you’re wondering what to expect, you can find out more about Salubrity and Soul’s changes on the about page.

There is a quote by Brene Brown that truly resonates with how I currently feel, it says, “I only share when I have no unmet needs that I am trying to fill. I firmly believe that being vulnerable with a larger audience is only a good idea if the healing is tied to the sharing, not to the expectations that I might have for the response that I get.” – (pretty profound, huh?)

I feel that I have expressed how I felt about my loss clearly enough. I also feel that continuing to share my feelings regarding my loss would be inappropriate. Not because I no longer feel my loss, because I do. Every single day. I have just reached a point where I feel that sharing suggestions, tips and ideas on how to get through grief and loss instead of my personal story of loss would be a better way to support my fellow bereaved. I am grateful to have had a lot of support during my time of bereavement thank you to everyone who held on with me as I rode the waves of grief – I cannot express enough how grateful I am to you. I could not have done it without you. You are amazing!

Change is hard, but with a little patience and support it becomes a lot easier. I hope that you’ll continue to stick around – whether you’ve been following for a while, or are a new reader. From now on I will be sharing more on my new lifestyle changes… changes that have helped me improve my health and wellbeing. Join me, won’t you? Let’s live better together!

Until the next post…

Take care,

Carol

Contentment

Contentment

Hello and Happy September! In my last post I made a reference about how it is impossible for everyone to do something big or great. Well, I received a little feedback from some of my readers regarding that post and how it appears to denote a defeatist tone and may come off as uninspiring.

Before I go on, I would like to first apologize to anyone who may have found the content in that post offensive or otherwise. Secondly, I would like to say that I can see how the perspective in that post may have seemed counterproductive with regard to maintaining a postive outlook on life, or how it may have come of as being pessimistic. However, that is not the kind of message that I was trying to convey.

“Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves.” – Pema Chodron

The main focus on that post was actually about practicing self-compassion, acceptance and more important…contentment. It was not intented, in any way, to share any likeness with self-pity or lacking.

It came from a place of understanding that is more modest than egocentric.

It also came from a place that engenders a less acquisitive perspective towards the achievement of goals and aspirations; while still celebrating one’s achievements, goals and aspirations…whatever those achievements goals and aspirations may be.

“I only seem negative to the fortunate. That is because I show the less fortunate that they aren’t less fortunate after all.” – Criss Jami

In short, that blog post was meant to inspire, encourage – but most of all empower. It was created to support those who may need to feel good about the way that they are choosing to show up and contribute to society, especially if to them – it may not seem like it is “enough”.

It’s no secret that some of us will become very well known and some of us will not. Most of us will not. Some of us will earn PhD’s and some of us will not. Some of us will form corporations. Some of us will not. Then there is the consideration of whether or not we actually want to take on a bigger responsibility and role. Sometimes it’s hard to understand and accept that others aren’t interested in the same things that we are interested in; and that doesn’t mean that something is wrong with them. We forget that as connected as we are, we still, as a society value individuality. It’s our differences that make us beautiful and more important…interesting. Just strive every day to be good at what it is that you do!

It doesn’t matter what you choose to do, or how you choose to do it. The only thing that really matters is that you are trying to do something good – and that you’re not causing anyone any harm while doing so. If you are bringing something good into this universe of ours, then you are doing plenty! No matter how big or small. Besides… I am sure we can all agree that doing something is better than not doing anything at all when it comes to trying to make the world a better place… A more interesting and special place. Love and light to you!

Thanks for reading!

Until the next post…

Take care + be well.

Just Be Thankful.

Just Be Thankful.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

– Melody Beattie

As the month of November comes to an end I begin to sense the spirit of gratitude slowly fade away. The “month of gratitude” may be over, but I do not plan to stop practicing gratitude thereafter. My gratitude practice is a lifestyle. A lifestyle that makes every day of my life a magical and wonderful journey of discovery and appreciation. Even in the midst of grief and profound loss.

Until the next post.

Blessings,

Take care + be well,

Carol xo

Toxicity, Negativity and Reality

Toxicity, Negativity and Reality

“If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day.  Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation.  In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.”  – Anthon St. Maarten [Divine Living: The Essential Guide to Your True Destiny]


There is so much going on in the world right now, and I have been thinking a lot about the energy surrounding our environments, and the collective effects of indisputable or obvious negativity and toxicity.

The dictionary states that the word positive means: 1. Something positive.  2. the state or character of being positive; a positivity that accepts the world as it is.  While it’s opposite, [the word] negativity means: 1. the expression of criticism.   2. pessimism about something, failing to see the good and concerning oneself with bad outcomes, or expressing hopelessness.

The word toxicity; however, can lead one to conjure feelings of impending doom.  It is a word that makes me think of something that could take over my mind and body and render me completely helpless. It is a word that signifies and embodies danger and the probability of eventual demise.


“Negative means separating energies, while positive means unifying energies.  It’s not about being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – energy is quite neutral, actually…one just feels better.  Simply imagine that being negative creates distance between the hearts of two people, while being positive brings them closer together. – Alaric Hutchinson [Living Peace: Essential Teaching for Enriching Life]


One thing that has captured my attention is how, in recent times, it has become acceptable to correlate anguish and sadness with negativity and toxicity.  Why have these emotions become a part of a majority opinion that imply anguish and sadness are harmful and pestilential, when they are more likely to denote the presence of a tender soul experiencing a delicate and temporary situation.

Should we place feelings such as anguish or sadness in the same category as hatred, envy, gossip bullying or something much more defective and personally damaging like narcissism – all of which are clearly harmful, toxic and negative behaviors that can be hard to avoid in today’s social “climate?”

Every despairing situation is not a sign of negativity or toxic behavior, and our propensity to hold that belief can be toxic and harmful in itself.  If we become desensitized to recognizing pain in others we are open to losing our humanity; and if we lose our empathy we are open to no longer care about others. What connects us to others is being able to empathize with them. Is that something that we are willing to lose?


“Even when something is not your fault, toxic blame has no place in your life. Focus on your own empowerment and healing.” – Bryant McGill [Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living your Best Life]



It is natural for us to try to avoid pain and sadness, but is that realistic? What if those feelings and emotions are a part of your life path, your soul work, your life transformation? If it is, should that process of growth be interrupted? Wouldn’t it wonderful to watch the whole intricate process unfold, and witness the unabashed life affirming growth manifest?

We are all flowers pushing our way through concrete, and lotuses growing through mud. That is the [hidden] beauty of our being. It is the growth and experience that make everything worthwhile and what gives everything meaning. Trying to navigate through rough times is by no means as negative or toxic as causing others harm, or trying to affect anyone negatively in some way – and that is the truth.

Until the next post.


Blessings,

Take Care +  Be Well,

Carol xo

Balanced Healing

Balanced Healing

 

“The waves ebb and the waves flow, and yet I never tire of watching from the shore, the way the waves rhythms show their intensity, then inactivity; as if to remind me of what I already know in my heart and in my soul, which is that to life there must be balance, and happiness is empty if sadness we must forego.”

– Carol C.M.

Until the next post.

Blessings,

Take Care + Be Well,

Carol xo

Love’s Burden

Love’s Burden

“Your burden is already so heavy, so be light with yourself. Look at the way you take the pain from your heartache and allow it to sustain you through the rough waves of mourning – Never once forgetting that your reason for enduring it all was and will always be love.”

– Carol C.M.

Until the next post.

Blessings,

Take Care + Be Well,

Carol xo

Shattered

Shattered

It was a very long night. I didn’t sleep at all that night.  It was 6:14 a.m. on that early August morning that I took this photo as I sat in this room staring at the white walls and these deep green seats, waiting for someone to come and tell me that I could smile again.  I kept thinking about how just twelve hours beforehand, my youngest child and I were enjoying one of his favorite meals, while conversating as we got our “little nerd fix while watching the show Battle Bots.  Ten hours beforehand we had, unbeknownst to us, said our last real goodbyes right before I reminded him to drive safely as he opened the front door to leave to meet up with friends out of town.  The moment that I took this photo I had enough hope for the world. However, evidently, some plans are much greater than our own wishes, hopes, dreams, efforts and prayers.

It often begins with shock.  That initial feeling that sends shock waves and copious amounts of cortisol throughout your body, filling every part with enough stress to make your hands shake and your entire body quiver.  Then the numbness seeps in ever so slowly.  So slow, in fact, that you’re barely able to recognize that your body is being possessed by some strange form of extreme sadness; and for a minute you begin to wonder if you’re losing your mind.

You’re in disbelief.  Yet, you somehow know that this may not end well, so you reach deep down inside your heart and gut and pull out as much strength, courage and hope for a happy end result as you possibly can – and even so – you still don’t feel as though that effort will be enough.

Now all that you feel is fear.  You are still numb and outside of yourself, but the hurt that you feel is now becoming so overwhelming and all that your heart and mind are telling you is that you absolutely cannot lose this person.  Suddenly, you start doubting that this is actually happening and hope that you are just having a really terrible dream.  You can’t believe that this is even possible. How can it be possible?  Nothing feels real at the moment.

You can’t seem to stop the tears from falling from your eyes and down your cheeks. Nor can you stop the ache in your chest. You’re antsy and you want to do something to help, but you are told repeatedly that there is nothing else that you can do. That they can do. That anyone can do. That doesn’t stop you though. Each day that you return to this place you keep asking and trying to find solutions. All you know is… this hurt likes like hell.

This was my experience and I cannot speak for all parents who have lost a child, but there is not doubt that when someone you love loses their life, so many feelings and emotions rush through your mind and you have to mourn the loss in order to help you process it.  Mourning is essential to the healing process and there is no time frame that one can be expected to “get over” their loss. That is always personal.  It is as personal as the relationship that you had with the person that you lost.  This is why bereavement healing times tend to vary from person to person. Bereavement should not be rushed.  So, the next time that you encounter someone who is grieving, show a little patience, kindness and be genuinely supportive because that is what is going to help that person overcome their grief in the healthiest way possible.

Until the next post.


Blessings,

Take care + Be well,

Carol xo

A Bittersweet Beginning

A Bittersweet Beginning

I recently came across this beautiful quote by Morgan Harper Nichols which says,  “Tell the story of the mountain you climbed. Your words could become a page in someone else’s survival guide. ”  I don’t think that there have ever been words spoken or written that have inspired me to act more than these words.  After reading that quote I immediately knew that the time was right for me to start working on the blog that I had talked about starting for so long.

In the beginning my delay was due to fear.  Fear of not attracting enough readers. Fear of adding more expense to my already stretched budget. Fear of not being able to dedicate enough time to writing. Fear of not being able to manage a blog, etc., etc., etc.  My list of excuses was about as long as my arm, but deep down I knew what the real reason was. I was afraid of failing at something that I had my heart set on.  My passion was there, but fear has a way of playing with your mind and making you feel as though things are a lot worse than they actually are.

I learned the hard way though. When one day I woke up and found myself with a real, true, viable reason for procrastinating – known as grief.   Grief is difficult and it can be quite overwhelming as it affects your thinking ability and your energy level.  It basically takes over every aspect of your life – especially if the person you lost was an immediate family member who lived with you.

I had no choice but to put my blogging plans back on the back burner, and this time it would be without a planned future starting date.  There was another difference too. This time I didn’t feel guilty about not being able to start my blog. In fact, I didn’t care about it at all because my mind was so discombobulated and blogging just wasn’t on my priority list at the time.  I had to heal. I had to take care of myself and my remaining family members. I had to find ways to honor and celebrate the life of my loved one and  maintain his legacy.

Well, a year has passed and a lot has changed since then for me.  I am glad that I didn’t chose to rush my healing, because you have to give yourself time to grow through what you go through and it is no different when you’re dealing with loss. For me healing meant taking care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually so that all parts of me could heal appropriately.

With each passing day I felt the fog begin to lift from my life.  It’s still there, but now it feels lighter and more manageable thanks to my dedication to my own self care in which I allowed myself to feel my hurt and not avoid it. Learning to cope with grief is pivotal if you want to be able to withstand the triggers that will come along later.

So here I am today typing away at the keyboard. Thinking about that time I discussed starting a blog with my lost loved one over a year ago and hearing him reply, ” You should do it, Mom – When are you going to start it?” I hope that he can hear me today as I talk to him from this earthly plain, “I’m starting the blog today dear son – finally- today and in many ways, you are now my inspiration for doing so.

Thank you for taking the time to read my first post. If you are following me, I thank you for that as well and I hope that you enjoy my future posts.

Until the next post.


Blessings,

Take Care + Be Well,

Carol xo