I know that you’re in there. I can sense it. Why do you diminish yourself? Can’t you see how luminous and exquisite you are? Like nebulae from an undiscovered galaxy.
Please don’t dim yourself. I want to experience your essence, so speak to me with uncommon explanations and words so true to you that when the words leave your mouth they drip from your lips like the juice from nectarous ripened fruit.
I want to breathe your reality and watch as your words float effortlessly from your soul to mine. I’m not going anywhere. I am listening. Now, show me who you really are.
– Carol C.M.
“They say that people are innately afraid of those who need them, they say that people are afraid of “clingyness”, afraid of attachment, afraid of being needed by another. But I beg to disagree. I believe that people when looking at someone who is needy of them, see themselves and see their own fears and they go away because they can’t handle those fears; it’s their own neediness that they’re afraid of! They’re afraid to want and to need because they’re afraid of loss and of losing, so when they see these things in another, that’s when they run away. Nobody is actually running away from other people; everybody is really running away from themselves!” – C. Joybell C.
The term attachment has been getting a lot of attention these days. I cannot recall exactly how many social media posts I have encountered that have stressed the new found acceptance for becoming detached to everything and everyone as a way of avoiding the chance of getting hurt or having to go through the terrible emotions that generally come over us when we lose something or someone.
“The beautiful thing about fear is, when you run to it, it runs away.”
– Robin Sharma
I get it. I understand how the emotionality that correlates with losing something that we like or love can hamper our ability to maintain our focus to get things done, and who wants to be in that type of predicament? When we slow down we are less productive, which in turn, often also means that we will be less accepted.
“Maybe life is about learning a better goodbye. Learning to let go of the one’s we love with nothing but love.” – JM Storm
The thing to remember is that attachment is in all of us. It is a part of us and a very human primal need. Without it, there is the potential to suffer worse than we would had we just succumbed to the attachment. To not want to bond well with something is probably okay; but to not want to bond well or genuinely connect with others is – well – a bit disturbing.
“And – was it really love if you didn’t feel that loss to the very core of your soul?” – Carol C.M.
Fear can protect us, but it can also cause us harm. There is a lot in life that we are not able to run away from, and should not run from if we want to truly experience life. I, for one, can honestly say that my acceptance of being attached to things has brought me as much happiness as it has brought me pain. My greatest lessons in life are those that were born out of immense love, my ability to accept moments of vulnerability, deep interest, passion and ultimately the loss of something or someone whether a relationship, parenthood, or an occupation or something else. I have loved and lost, but I have grown so much and that is what life is all about. Isn’t it? So be grateful for those moments that you realize that you have become attached to something, not fearful because that is just one more place where the beauty of life can be found. Leading you to a most substantial existence and life experience.
Until the next post,
If you enjoyed this post or found it helpful please feel free to share it – and as always…
Take care + be well,
“If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.” – Anthon St. Maarten [Divine Living: The Essential Guide to Your True Destiny]
There is so much going on in the world right now, and I have been thinking a lot about the energy surrounding our environments, and the collective effects of indisputable or obvious negativity and toxicity.
The dictionary states that the word positive means: 1. Something positive. 2. the state or character of being positive; a positivity that accepts the world as it is. While it’s opposite, [the word] negativity means: 1. the expression of criticism. 2. pessimism about something, failing to see the good and concerning oneself with bad outcomes, or expressing hopelessness.
The word toxicity; however, can lead one to conjure feelings of impending doom. It is a word that makes me think of something that could take over my mind and body and render me completely helpless. It is a word that signifies and embodies danger and the probability of eventual demise.
“Negative means separating energies, while positive means unifying energies. It’s not about being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – energy is quite neutral, actually…one just feels better. Simply imagine that being negative creates distance between the hearts of two people, while being positive brings them closer together. – Alaric Hutchinson [Living Peace: Essential Teaching for Enriching Life]
One thing that has captured my attention is how, in recent times, it has become acceptable to correlate anguish and sadness with negativity and toxicity. Why have these emotions become a part of a majority opinion that imply anguish and sadness are harmful and pestilential, when they are more likely to denote the presence of a tender soul experiencing a delicate and temporary situation.
Should we place feelings such as anguish or sadness in the same category as hatred, envy, gossip bullying or something much more defective and personally damaging like narcissism – all of which are clearly harmful, toxic and negative behaviors that can be hard to avoid in today’s social “climate?”
Every despairing situation is not a sign of negativity or toxic behavior, and our propensity to hold that belief can be toxic and harmful in itself. If we become desensitized to recognizing pain in others we are open to losing our humanity; and if we lose our empathy we are open to no longer care about others. What connects us to others is being able to empathize with them. Is that something that we are willing to lose?
“Even when something is not your fault, toxic blame has no place in your life. Focus on your own empowerment and healing.” – Bryant McGill [Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living your Best Life]
It is natural for us to try to avoid pain and sadness, but is that realistic? What if those feelings and emotions are a part of your life path, your soul work, your life transformation? If it is, should that process of growth be interrupted? Wouldn’t it wonderful to watch the whole intricate process unfold, and witness the unabashed life affirming growth manifest?
We are all flowers pushing our way through concrete, and lotuses growing through mud. That is the [hidden] beauty of our being. It is the growth and experience that make everything worthwhile and what gives everything meaning. Trying to navigate through rough times is by no means as negative or toxic as causing others harm, or trying to affect anyone negatively some way – and that is the truth.
Until the next post,
Take care +be well,
Computer and social media use have become an ever increasing part of our lives. I remember when my kids were the only ones in our household who stayed continuously connected to the computer, other digital gadgets, or used any type of social media platform throughout the day. Well, a lot has changed over the years, as I am sure it has for many other families as well, given that more adults use their computers and smartphones today for a variety of reasons, not just for work.
Many adults today must stay connected to their devices and/or social media for work purposes, but a larger majority stay plugged in to maintain contact with family and friends from near and far or just for sheer entertainment. Still, young adults are leading the way when it comes to staying digitally connected.
It’s often very hard to not reach for our smartphones when we hear that little signal from our phones letting us know that we just received a like, a comment or a new follow. Similarly, email updates can add to our “digital anxiety” when we receive an email notification and suddenly feel compelled to see what surprise awaits us in our inbox, or we suddenly realize that there are a host of emails that we need to delete. Furthermore, who has never been enticed to check their phones before going to bed at night? We have become a “plugged-in” society and it seems that, in many ways, this way of life has somewhat removed us from society instead of helping us become more connected to each other. It is funny how something that was originally designed with the intent to make life easier has fallen short of helping us feel more at ease in life. If any of these feelings resonate with you then it might be time to consider doing a digital detox.
A digital detox consists of taking a break from all digital life for a specified amount of time. The time can be any length of your own choosing and based upon your own unique needs. I usually make an effort to take one at least once a year for a week, but some people have been known to take a much longer break. How you plan your digital detox is all up to you. I must add that if you are going to do a digital detox and you are online regularly, make sure to let your followers know ahead of time that you will not be posting anything for a while and provide them with a brief explanation of what you will be doing; otherwise they may lose interest or have concerns about your absence. Trust me, they will thank you for it and you will be glad that you did it.
Here is a list of my top 10 benefits of doing a regular digital detox:
- A digital detox allows you to ease through your day, feel less pressured and get a lot more accomplished.
- Allows you to live “in the moment” and pay more attention to “the little, but meaningful things.”
- You get to take control of your life once again – even if only for a short time.
- You will find yourself with the freedom to eat your meals more mindfully.
- You get to set an example for your kids and show them that it is alright to focus on other things in life besides our computers and smartphones.
- You will find yourself feeling a sense of calm and relief as you unconsciously become “deprogrammed.”
- You will be contributing to your physical health by spending less time near harmful EMF’s (Electronic Magnetic Fields), increasing your change of getting carpal tunnel syndrome and improving your adrenal system.
- You will be teaching yourself to become less dependent on digital devices and social media.
- You will be contributing to your mental health by reducing the likelihood of depression, ADHD and other conditions that are related to excessive digital device and screen time use.
- You will find that you have more time to spend with family or friends and do the things that you thought you would never have time for.
If you decide to do a digital detox I wish you a happy, peaceful break from being continuously “connected” – Enjoy!
Until the next post,
Take care + be well,
“Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle.” – Charles Glassman.
Help is supposed to be a good thing…Right? Sometimes, though, it doesn’t feel so good. Sometimes we try to help others by trying to present a solution to their problem without knowing that we may be making their problem worse. Additionally, sometimes we unknowingly force our own personal beliefs and values onto others, or we might not notice that we are being passive-aggressive in the way that we are attempting to offer help.
When this happens after loss it can sometimes leave both sides wondering, “What just happened?” Sometimes it occurs right after a loved one has passed, and sometimes it happens long after the funeral has ended and the person grieving is still trying to adjust to the effects of their loss, but when it happens it is always something that the person grieving almost usually never forgets.
I understand. I understand completely. When someone dies it is hard to find the right words to say. We’re always concerned about whether we are saying the right thing to the person who had to say goodbye to someone that they knew. Someone that they cared for and in many cases loved.
We all know of some of the standard ways to address those who are grieving. Ways that we have become accustomed to. I know because I have used some of those words myself, but that was before I could even begin fathom what it was like to lose someone whose absence meant that my entire life would change and never be the same. It was long before I knew what it was like to lose a child. Long before I experienced losing someone who wasn’t supposed to leave this earth before me, (or anyone else in my immediate family for that matter.)
To anyone wanting to offer condolences to the grieved, please understand that person’s loss may not be the first loss that they have had to endure. They may have lost many people in their lifetime, and as a result, they may not feel that this particular loss was a part of God’s plan, or that “it was for the best.”
Maybe it was a part of God’s plan and maybe they are in a better place, but the chances that someone who just lost someone is going to agree that what happened was for the best is very slim. This is especially true for parents who have lost a child. Losing a child is considered to be one of the hardest forms of grief to overcome. It’s exhausting.
So, a little word of advice from a grieving mom. The next time that you a presented with the chance to extend your condolences to someone, remember that person has just gone through what might be the most horrible time in their life and your thoughtfulness and could make a world of difference.
One of the best condolences that I received was “I am sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help.” This let me know that the person felt bad about what happened, but it also let me know that they understood that I was going through a tough time and that they would be there for me if I needed anything.
If you are unsure of what to way, simply say exactly that, say that you’re unsure of what to say. Say that you are sorry and that you don’t know what to say because that will be better than saying nothing at all; and if you want to be a bit more expressive just try not to say anything that may be offensive. Sometimes its best to keep it simple and straight to the point, but being considerate of someone’s loss and their needs usually never fails.
Until the next post,
Take care + be well,
When I stepped outside and onto my front porch this morning a cool breeze brushed against my face. I also felt a bit of warmth from the fall sun; and both sensations were very soothing. I turned around to close my front door and while doing so I could hear a group of leaves bustling down the street behind me.
Naturally, I didn’t have to turn around to know that they were leaves that had recently fell from the neighborhood trees. In my mind I called upon past memories of the season and I thought to myself, “this only happens once a year.” This was fall in full effect and as I turned around to face the street, all of the leaves began to then scatter to different areas of the street and into yards like little colorful children laughing and playing a game of tag.
It’s always the little things that capture my attention, and where I find some of the most intriguing things to be grateful for. Practicing gratitude allows me to readjust my focus so that I am always able to find “something” good in everything. Even those things that I normally would not find pleasing – like cold weather months, for example.
When fall arrives I know that I will now have to try to plan my outdoor walks and hiking trips a bit more carefully for the next few months, if at all, and this alone contributes to my “blues” along with grieving and missing the sunshine. However, the cooler months also bring with them the opportunity to sit or lay by a fireplace fire, and if I keep looking on the bright side and maintain an open mind, I will also be able to appreciate the fact that I can still perform other exercises and activities indoors. Optimism is a beautiful thing. I guess that is why we as a society celebrate it.
A big part of conquering the “blues” involves maintaining a positive outlook once the weather changes. Yet, as I have discovered, this isn’t always easy to do especially if the shift to cooler weather and shorter daylight hours are affecting you while you are grieving. There are a few things that anyone can do to help make this time of year more pleasant and more manageable and I have listed fifteen tips below that I have personally tried and that seem to be helpful.
- Practice gratitude – Find something in every day, no matter how big or small, to be grateful for. Begin by noticing something good about the changes that come with both the fall and winter seasons.
- Get a pet. Pets can help keep you stay healthy by encouraging you to stay active. It may also help to care for something else other than yourself.
- Open your curtains or blinds as often as possible to allow the sun to shine in and keep your mood positive.
- Exercise or find another way to keep you body active for a few minutes a day.
- Take up a new hobby or start a fall or winter craft. This can be especially helpful in easing any grief. Try creating something in honor of the person who has passed away or create something that sparks your interest. Either way, creative expression is good for managing feelings and emotions.
- Find an exercise buddy to keep things exciting and for accountability.
- Eat healthy and don’t feel bad about treating yourself to a favorite treat once in a while…think balance.
- Volunteer or donate to a cause that you care about, or that your loved one cared about. When we help others it can give us insight and remind us that things aren’t as bad as they may seem.
- Join a club such as a grief group, book club or hiking club, or any club that sparks your interest. This is a great way to maintain social contacts and prevent feelings of isolation.
- Create fall or winter rituals such as decorating for the holidays, cooking holiday meals, baking desserts, (especially those that your lost loved one enjoyed), or burn candles and make a fire in the fireplace. These things can help you enjoy the “warmth” of the season.
- Avoid negativity – Surround yourself with positive people and positive environments. Negativity can be stressful and may trigger unfavorable emotions and memories.
- Look forward – Create something special to look forward to in the coming year such as a memorial event, or a solo or family trip or vacation.
- Stay social – Spend time with family and friends, share family memories and create new ones, or simply get together with friends to watch a movie or have brunch or dinner out at a restaurant.
- Play music – Listen to your favorite music regularly in your home or car to give your mind a break. You may also enjoy playing a little holiday music during the holidays to add a little cheeriness to the gloomier seasons.
- Create a morning and evening ritual – such as practicing meditation, yoga, prayer or journaling as these practices can help with maintaining a positive outlook.
Thankfully, seasons change, and “the blues” will too, but until the seasons actually do change and bring back the longer, brighter days with the trees and other foliage beginning to show hints of a less monochromatic world we have just a few months in which we can savor the beauty that fall and winter bestows us. Let’s enjoy it together. Shall we? Happy October!
Until the next post,
Take care + be well,