A Bittersweet Beginning


I recently came across this beautiful quote by Morgan Harper Nichols which says,  “Tell the story of the mountain you climbed. Your words could become a page in someone else’s survival guide. ”  I don’t think that there have ever been words spoken or written that have inspired me to act more than these words.  After reading that quote I immediately knew that the time was right for me to start working on the blog that I had talked about starting for so long.

In the beginning my delay was due to fear.  Fear of not attracting enough readers. Fear of adding more expense to my already stretched budget. Fear of not being able to dedicate enough time to writing. Fear of not being able to manage a blog, etc., etc., etc.  My list of excuses was about as long as my arm, but deep down I knew what the real reason was. I was afraid of failing at something that I had my heart set on.  My passion was there, but fear has a way of playing with your mind and making you feel as though things are a lot worse than they actually are.

I learned the hard way though. When one day I woke up and found myself with a real, true, viable reason for procrastinating – known as grief.   Grief is difficult and it can be quite overwhelming as it affects your thinking ability and your energy level.  It basically takes over every aspect of your life – especially if the person you lost was an immediate family member who lived with you.

I had no choice but to put my blogging plans back on the back burner, and this time it would be without a planned future starting date.  There was another difference too. This time I didn’t feel guilty about not being able to start my blog. In fact, I didn’t care about it at all because my mind was so discombobulated and blogging just wasn’t on my priority list at the time.  I had to heal. I had to take care of myself and my remaining family members. I had to find ways to honor and celebrate the life of my loved one and  maintain his legacy.

Well, a year has passed and a lot has changed since then for me.  I am glad that I didn’t chose to rush my healing, because you have to give yourself time to grow through what you go through and it is no different when you’re dealing with loss. For me healing meant taking care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually so that all parts of me could heal appropriately.

With each passing day I felt the fog begin to lift from my life.  It’s still there, but now it feels lighter and more manageable thanks to my dedication to my own self care in which I allowed myself to feel my hurt and not avoid it. Learning to cope with grief is pivotal if you want to be able to withstand the triggers that will come along later.

So here I am today typing away at the keyboard. Thinking about that time I discussed starting a blog with my lost loved one over a year ago and hearing him reply, ” You should do it, Mom – When are you going to start it?” I hope that he can hear me today as I talk to him from this earthly plain, “I’m starting the blog today dear son – finally- today and in many ways, you are now my inspiration for doing so.

Thank you for taking the time to read my first post. If you are following me, I thank you for that as well and I hope that you enjoy my future posts.


Take care of yourself + be well,

Carol

2 thoughts on “A Bittersweet Beginning

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.